Many years ago, when I was a kid, I had a better physique. This, I say, was because of a really famous outdoor game that involves lots of 'running' and 'chasing'. As the complex I lived in was really spacious, it had a not-so-big playground which is now A Country for Old Men, it allowed tons of freedoms and provided the versatility needed for our rules. Unlike the traditional 'Running and Chasing' games, our game didn't involve counting upto ten and then busting the running dudes. Simple rule: Catchers count till 1000 and runners can hide 'anywhere' in the complex. Thanks to the then-existing water problem and maintenance issues, house occupancy was really low. Hence, we had many of the balconies for ourselves. Ask any of my flatmates (if you know them) which is the most safest hiding spot and all their answers would be 'Rain Forest.' Rain Forest was the name given to the area between the buildings and the compound-walls few feet away as it had lots of herbs, trees, and street mongrels. The name was perfect; it described the area (not really, we were kids back then), it added a new element to our game, and most of all it was widely accepted that it spread like a forest-fire (right now I'm imagining how it would be if a rain forest catches fire). The rate of acceleration of that name per second was greater than that of a silly college rumour.
But two things fascinate me even today: 1.Almost every tree I bump into had a nail, 2.The wide acceptance of the name. The reason for a hammered nails on trees is that each nail traps the escape of evil spirits which are trapped inside the tree. This was the reason given by many of the 'rumoro-phillic' uncles and aunties; I got to say, they nailed it. Well, I will come to the latter really soon. Hang on.
Top Mumbo Jumbos:
You're familiar with famous misconceptions like Undertaker has 7 lives, cats have nine lives, all engineering students have good future, Chetan Bhagat has a good writing career and Honey Singh is Indian Eminem. Whenever I open my Facebook or Whatsapp I see some mindlessly stupid posts. I have listed below the mumbo jumbos that get on my nerve... every time.
1)Mumbo jumbo: Facebook's likes cure cancer, feed people, gratify ego.
How to practice the mumbo jumbo:
Post a really horrific photo of terribly photoshopped Miley Cyrus. Ask for likes.
Post a photo of starving African kids, and plead for likes. (Optional) Take a bite from Snickers.
Politely ask your friends to like your post. Message everyone in your friend list. Usually, 'Bhai like do,' works but 'Please like my post dear' has lately come into fashion.
Fun fact: Having a great number of Facebook likes doesn't make you a big-shot. It doesn't make you more caring towards the sufferings. And most of all, it doesn't satisfy your ego. The reason is Facebook sucks. Go out, feed the poor, HELP THE NEEDY AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WALL.
2)Mumbo jumbo: Whatsapp is a messaging application that is free only for a certain period of time. But don't worry let us forward this and extend our warranty. Yay!
How to practice the mumbo jumbo:
Make a really lengthy message like 'Whatsapp is a Swedish application developed by Billy Zuckeriblonde while eating cheese cakes. But scientists have abandoned the quest to save people suffering from incurable diseases and have come up with a plan, Forward. If you do so () will turn into )( and your screen will turn bright grey colour. It happened for me.' Bonus points for making a more crappy forward message.
Fun fact: Whatsapp never expires. When was the last time you heard your friend say, ' I just extended my Whatsapp validity using Google wallet,' ? Well, your validity automatically gets extended. Which means you have millions of years to continue this forward tradition.... for free.
3)Mumbo jumbo: I'm a Grammar Nazi and I find you're sentence offensive.
How to practice the mumbo jumbo:
Pretend you know something about Nazi and a lot about grammar.
Pretend you have read every classics of English literature.
Point out the mistakes in a really rude way;add bad words too. Adding insult to injury makes you a more socially acceptable retard.
Copy a famous quote and post it. Note: Make adjustment such that people think the quote really belongs to you.
Fun fact:
It's really easy to spot douches who pretend they know everything. Next time I see one, I am punching him/her on the face.
Note: I respect the real Grammar Nazi's even if they're impolite as most of my friends are Grammar Nazi's.
4)Mumbo jumbo:Wikipedia has everything.
How to practice the mumbo jumbo:
Open www.wikipedia.org.
Type your homework topics.
Copy the content and paste it in your sheet.
And wish wikipedia and google, 'happy teachers day'.
Fun fact: Well, wikipedia is truly a wonderful encyclopedia. But, as you may know, it's an open source meaning anyone can edit it. So, for accurate knowledge about a subject, do visit your nearest library. And google is just a search engine. Well, here are is an informative site you might love. I've linked two of the topics I came across.
5)Mumbo jumbo: Whatsapp protest can overthrow anything.
How to practice the mumbo jumbo:
Choose an appropriate date.
Frame a coercing text like, ' due to constant whatsapp messaging, the gold rate has gone down. So let us all protest. Yay!!'
Tell them Modi wants their data pack turned off. If possible ask them to turn off wifi too.
Fun fact: I'm out of words. nadatunga da nadatunga.
Do you remember about how the name of a waste space spread like an epidemic? I was telling you about that in my first paragraph, right? When people blindly find it appealing, they accept. A small kid could make the name 'rain forest' so famous because it was appealing. When more number of people start using the name, others get used to it. Just like a situation-comedy show. Have you ever tried watching a sit-com sans the 'laughter track' ? Laughter track is the response of people recorded when the act is played live. This is played during the show to induce an effect; laughing. That's how all these internet misconceptions spread. When more number of people share a photo of some brain-tumour, people get induced and they share too. When more number of people are doing something in the internet, others follow it as it is the new 'cool'. Ice Bucket Challenge had a good intention, but it was converted into a fun Facebook event.
Now, please forward this article to 15 others, else your screen will turn blue and the spirits will trap you into a mango tree.
No comments:
Post a Comment